Love, Grief, and Pain
Within the last 8 weeks, I lost my beloved husband of 51 years. My life seems so empty, so lost, so alone and it hurts to the very marrow of my being. I move, I cry and I think.
I am not one that cries and carries on but I feel as if someone came in and cut a chunk of my heart out of my spirit. I can not seem to find this void. It is not as if I do not know where my love is (my husband). He is with the love of his life who is the Lord Jesus Christ in heaven.
The loss is so very intense. I do not want to be alone because I must think about this very difficult pain. If I do this I am heartbroken and I find myself a weeping mess. I ask myself, "How can this be?" How can I feel this great loss when Lee ran the race for the glory of His Lord and finally made the last mile stretch home?
He left me here alone and I want to be with him. He was my partner to fight every battle with me. I have faced death many times and with Lee holding my hand I knew I could not let go. I need him because he has been there by my side for a long time. Even though we had our ups and downs Lee was always there for me or maybe I should say always within the reach of my hand. Now I extend and I feel a great expanse of space.
Do you realize the trip that Satan is playing with me? I do not have the strength to fight him on this one. I always had my helpmate because my leader was always there showing me the direction that I should go in my life.
I can write poems and tell you how great I am doing but that would be the biggest lie of my lifetime. I did not know that I would be a mass of splintered pieces and that sleep would not come. Rest only lasts for a few moments. I am a sobbing mess.
I know it is a pity party for myself but how do I fight this battle in my life? I sit in my home over ten hours a day. There is not a soul to be with or talk to, not even a whisper in the wind. I feel the Lord softly telling me it will be O.K. You can climb this valley but the mountain is so far away.
I just wanted to warn my beloved friends that this is a very strange battle. You have no plan on how to face this dark and dreary world without human contact. I know my Lord Jesus is holding me and teaching me a great lesson. I can share with so many people that this war will be won through the Blood of Jesus Christ that covers me.
I know the Father holds me, rocks me and whispers tender love songs into my heart. God will carry me through this for I can not walk this path alone. Jesus will softly take me in His arms and run the mountains with me on His great white stead.
I will again be free but until then may I never forget the blood that runs from Calvary and Covers me even in my pain. Tears are a language that God understands and for ever one I that shed Jesus sheds one with me. He knows how much I hurt.
I will stay under His Covering waiting for the day when I also will go home with all of you in the rapture of the Church. It is coming very soon and we must all be watching, praying and ready for the Bridegroom's voice. Take heed my friends the battle is almost over and let us all shout and worship the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords.
I pray I have written this in the simplest form that people reading this writing will understand what I am trying to convey to you. God is greater than any battle the devil will toss at your feet. Our lives will go on forever in heaven with Jesus Christ.
We will all soon be with Jesus so please dear one run the race as hard as you can and if you see someone slipping just tell that person you love them. Let that individual reach down and grab on to you for awhile.
I will be here for each and every one of you. I know what grief is and it is not easy to deal with in our life.
To God be the Glory because Great things He has done. Thank you for rescuing my precious husband Lee and give him the ability to breathe deeply once again as opposed to what he went through in life. I know Lee is now free from the entanglements of this world.
I am waiting for the sound of the Trump. Please hang on tight and wait with me.
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